By
Scott Miller
Henry Clay: (1777 - 1852) this is a familiar name in the cigar industry. This guy not only has his own cigar, he also has a place in American History. Henry Clay was born in Virginia 1777. He served in the Senate, the House of Representative (including a stint as the Speaker of the House) and is best known (at least to historians) for his persuading Congress to declare war on Great Britain in 1812, his architecture of the great compromise of 1850 which averted the Civil War for ten years and his famous words, “I’d rather be right than President!” This sounds like a fulfilling life to me. There’s only one problem, there is not a single thing about cigars in any bio on Henry Clay. Nothing, nix, nada, niet. Heck, it doesn’t even say if the man smoked cigars. I must admit it’s disappointing. I liken this situation to the phenomenon surrounding the cigar shape called the Churchill. Named after Winston Churchill, it is an eternal reminder of the great British statesman (as if his deeds weren’t enough). And it may come as a shock to know that Churchill had no preference regarding his cigars. When asked what was his favorite cigar, his answer was, ‘whatever is free”. Way to go Winston!!
John Fitzgerald Kennedy: (1917 – 1963) Born in Brookline, Massachusetts on May 29th, 1917, the 35th president of the United States made a name for himself in world politics AND Cigars. And why not? This was a bright boy. Graduated from Harvard in 1940, he made the very politically correct move of enlisting in the Navy, in 1943, he became a hero when the Japanese destroyed his boat, the PT 109. He led his men to safety
Despite some pretty serious injuries. After the war he became a Congressman. In 1953, he made it to the Senate. He even managed to pull in a Pulitzer prize for his book, Profiles in History. Tired yet? Well JFK was not! In 1960, he took the center seat as our 35th President.
“Ask not what your country can do for you – ask what you can do for your country.” Nice words. Good words. JFK’s words. Kennedy attacked the equal rights issues and called for new civil rights legislation. He formed the peace Corps and the Alliance for Progress, hoping to make the world a better place. And during all this, he always made time for Upmanns. H-Upmanns that is, a delightful full bodied Cuban cigar.
His one downfall came from the same place he got his cigars. Cuba.
Communism was a political hot plate. Let’s not forget South Vietnam, where Kennedy had committed 17,000 U.S.military advisers on behalf of an unstable regime beset by corruption and a growing Communist insurgency. The United States was the ”de facto”
Archenemy. In Kennedy’s defense, he inherited this war from his predecessor. Still in the space of three years, Kennedy choked an exile-sponsored invasion of Cuba (The Bay of Pigs) and almost got us embroiled in a nuclear war (Cuban missile crisis) Oh yeah, he also put an embargo on the home of the best cigars in the world. He didn’t let that stop his cigar smoking though. In fact, clandestine sources revealed to me that JFK actually sent our Central Intelligence Agency to funnel some 10,000 Cuban cigars out of Cuba before the hammer fell on his new foreign policy.
We’ve dealt with JFK’s political career, but we’ve only touched on his love of cigars. I mean there been stories of JFK, there have been stories of JFK, the man – not the President, thoughtfully munching on an Upmann, while enjoying the company of his wife, Durie Malcolm…oh, uh, no…I mean Jacqueline Bouvier, or his girlfriend, Judith Campbell Exner or…oops! Shouldn’t have said that. Especially since she was a former girlfriend of Sam Giancana, a Florida mob favorite in the sixties. Oops! I did it again. Well, come on. It’s not unforgivable is it? It’s not as if JFK was gallivanting around and having indiscretions with oh, say, Marilyn Monroe and a host of others at the Hotel Carlyle in New York City around 1962…uh…I think I’ll just stop here before I get sued. For what it’s worth, JFK wasn’t perfect. Not by a long shot
William Jefferson Clinton (1946- ) Born in Arkansas in 1946, this Rhodes scholar actually met President Kennedy at the Whitehouse in the Rose Garden. Presumably, through some weird form of osmosis, JFK distilled all his eccentricities into our young and impressionable William. After Georgetown University and a law degree at Yale, Billy-boy took his shot at the really big show, politics. He made governor of Arkansas in 1978, skipped a term and then held the job again until 1992. In 1993, William Clinton became president, our forty-second. After the “Cigar Coitus Chronicles”, it pretty much
Pigeon holed our proud president. As a felicitous philanderer in the order of Caligula. (If you haven’t seen the movie, see it today.
Make no mistake our president did some good for our country too. He got approval of a massive deficit-reduction plan, a groundbreaking trade agreement with Mexico, aid to Russia and tax cuts for the lazy. I give the man respect though. Clinton has held tightly to the reigns of leadership and has weathered every challenge…somehow. He has avoided jail, divorce and general disgrace only by virtue of the fact that in 200, he was the only choice of leadership.
What have we all learned here today? Not a hell of a lot. Just the fact that powerful me who smoke cigars are often unfaithful lotharios and men who do n’t really care about cigars get them named after them. Interesting? No. Amusing? I hope so. I’m hoping the clarity and clean, concise prose with which I have brought this bulletin will more than make up for it. Woo Hoo
